so i'm at the nail salon, waiting for my pedi. on the coffee table, tons of magazines. cosmo, vogue, people, etc. what do i pick up? parents magazine. parents! WTF?!?!? is my maternal clock clicking? is there such a thing? is it the biological clock or the maternal clock? see! i don't even know! that's how much this subject has just passed my life on by without me ever missing it.
now, it's different. true, i had thot about having children at a very young age. when i was younger, i used to think i wanted a child but no husband. the independent spirit coming out of me already. as i got older, i wanted a husband but no child. even later, i didn't want either. it's not that i didn't want them. i just got used to my life without them.
HM wants kids. he's never made that a secret. up until this point, in my adult life, i've never thot of having them. wait... that's not true. my last serious boyfriend was indecisive about having children, but wanted the option. i thot about it. in the end, i couldn't even give that to him. i don't feel bad about it. it was a different time and i was in a different place. no regrets.
now... i want to give HM the children he so desires. i'm even desiring them myself. i almost can't wait to have kids. i keep imagining them at the park, playing in the swings, playing with the dogs, swimming in the pool. i imagine what they'll look like. i picture two little pudgy redneck boys running around in their overalls, with sweet ass mullets! kidding! boys run in his family, girls in mine. we've got a 50/50 chance. if we have girls, i imagine one would probably look a little bit like princess. strangers think she's my child. they've called her my mini-me. maybe they'll get HM's cute nose. i hope they get his nose. mine's been broken, but even before that, it wasn't anything to be desired.
so here i am. waiting. waiting to get in shape for now. seriously, i don't wanna be a big ass cow when i'm preggers. i've started walking again and i'm making healthier food choices these days. i wanna be able to play with my kids and at the rate i'm going, it won't happen unless i whip my ass into shape. after i feel i'm healthy and of course, after the wedding, we'll start thinking more seriously about kids. until then, i'll just read all about it. this parents magazine thing has happened before.
how weird is it that you would ever hear this coming from me?
tick tock. tick tock. tick tock.